Chapter 8: Sanctuary
It was a small market, one that I had never been to in my life. The entire area was dotted with various stalls that seemed to be selling anything from fresh produce to fine cloth. The area was full of lively activity everywhere you looked. There were people shopping, commuting, even a busker standing around preforming with his lute hoping for coin. Lena continued to lead me through the square keeping my hand firmly grasped in hers. Something about the entire environment actually reminded me of the dream that I had this morning. Thinking about that dream while we similarly made our way through the crowded area made me feel uneasy. Beyond that the same small feeling deep down near the back of my head fluttered for a moment before disappearing as it had before.
We quickly approached the far side of the market and drew near a small shop on the border of the courtyard. The store had four rounded steps leading up to its main door with two large display windows to peer in to from either side. Though the display windows I could see different fabrics, pillows, blankets and some simple clothing items of various different colours and qualities. The sign above the shop featured a wooden carving of a decorative set of scissors cutting through a string of red fabric below the black text; ‘Regina's textiles.’
Upon reaching the entrance of the shop Lena paused to let go of my hand and briefly pondered to herself. After a few moments she turned around to meet me, placing her hands on her knees and bending over toward me. The four entry steps of the shop only exacerbating our height difference.
“Okay darling, I’m going to go inside the shop and get something. I want you to sit on these steps and stay put until I get back okay? Don’t move, just stay right here and I’ll be back for you in just a few minutes. Alright hun? Can you do as I say?”
I didn’t think it was possible for her to keep raising the proverbial ante when it came to demeaning tones to take with me but yet I was here again completely speechless in the way she was treating me. Lena was speaking to me like she needed to explain what she wanted me to do in exact detail otherwise I would run off and get into trouble. Of course I understood, I wasn’t a child!
Unsure how to respond, all I could do was stumble over the first syllables of an attempted sentence. But apparently that was all Lena needed. “Don’t worry I’ll be right back okay? Good girl.” She said with a smile. And before I could even parse some sort of reaction she turned into the shop and closed the door behind her.
I was still stunned. Who the hell does she think she is? The way she spoke to me I couldn’t help but feel like she was now starting act like my actual mother. I was starting to recognize that Cynthia, Lena and Rowan all had their own weird way of treating me like I was smaller than them. I though back to the conversations about how they were going ‘teach me the life lessons I had failed to learn’. I had never been completely sure what they meant, but what part of any of that included treating me like a child?
Yet despite all my confusion and huffing, I did as she said, sitting myself down on the steps waiting for her to return.
“You whipped then ‘eh?”
The voice came from my right. Feminine but gruff, clearly directed to me. I recognized the accent; and while it was local, it was the same type of speech used if you were from the poorer parts of town. I looked over to see a girl just about my age looking at me amusedly while leaning against the far wall of the tailoring shop. She had slightly unkempt dirty blond hair that looked like it had been cut short clearly to avoid getting tangled, and her face was covered in just enough blemishes for me to know that she hadn’t washed in at least a day or two. The clothes of the girl were nice but ragged, not fitting perfectly and clearly showing signs of long-term wear and tear. Her boots were thick soled and high cuffed in military fashion. She looked completely comfortable in her attire, posture like there was nowhere else she would rather be.
“What?” I demanded of her. I had no idea what she meant in regard to her outburst.
“Oh come on, you have your frustration written all over you like its printed in ink, and yet even when she’s gone you just shush up and do exactly what mummy told you to do?” The girl let out a laugh before continuing to mock me. “Bloody pathetic you are.”
Ordinarily if a peasant had been heckling me I would have just put them in their place and have been done with it; hardly giving them a second thought, but clearly something had changed. “That’s not what I’m doing!” I yelled back at her.
The girl let out a hard single laugh at my excuse. “Oh yea? She tells you to sit and stay like a good little pet, and not ten seconds later you sit your ass right down didn’t ya? What exactly are you doing then?”
My temper flared as the truth in her words washed over me, before immediately being doused with the reality of my own situation. “Look, you don’t get it! You don’t know what’s going on here! I have to do what she says.” I said firmly. Trying to convince myself as much as I was the other girl.
“Yea? Or what?” The girl threw back at me.
“Or else. . .” I trailed off, realizing I didn’t have the answer to her question. What would she do to me? Cynthia had been the one to subjugate me with magic and she wasn’t here now. What would Lena do if I disobeyed? Lock me in my room for another day? Something worse?
The girl seemed to catch onto the emotion playing on my face. She looked for a moment like she recognized something. “What, you scared of her?” The words were harsh but there was something about her tone that wasn’t prodding, but almost . . . guiding?
“N-no! Of course not, I’m not scared of her.” I tried to reassert convincingly.
The girl eyed me up and down for a second, as if looking for something in me. “Oh yea? Prove it then.” She said motioning her head over her shoulder. She then took off on her heels in the direction behind where she stood, toward an alley between two buildings. As she neared a branching corner deeper into the alley she turned around to look at me again, before once more motioning her head toward the corner, beckoning me to follow.
Lena had told me to sit and wait, and surely it wouldn’t be much longer before she got back. On top of that this girl was a street rat, and in my previous life I would have never considered even for a second following her in fear of getting mugged or killed. But I thought about what she had just said to me ‘prove it then’. Was I scared? Thinking back to all of what the Southgards had shown me of prison, to what Lena had told me about being cared for that night, as well as Cynthia's horrific use of magic to restrain me. I was terrified.
But I couldn’t shake the look that girl had given me just a moment ago, studying me up and down like she recognized something there.
I was terrified. But she wasn’t.
I got up and bolted after her.
************
“What is this place?” I asked the girl. She had led me around the corner of the small alley. It was just a small outcropping between two buildings but one of the far walls had a large wooden façade boarded over. She pulled a back a loose board that seemed to serve as a hidden entrance to some sort of hide away completely covered from the elements. There were seats, a few cushions, some blankets and even a lantern for when it got dark. It was all set up very purposefully; The seats arranged around the lantern, spare bits of fabric draping the brick walls around us, even using different materials to reinforce the fake wall that hid us from the outside. It looked quaint, but honestly somehow comfortable at the same time.
“This is my sanctuary. Good place to escape the hustle and bustle of the streets. Only put it together in the last month. Since these new blokes are in charge more homeless are being rounded up off the street and being put into temporary shelters. Its one of the benefits of all the changes going on around here. Not many people are gonna bother to find it and ransack it ya know?”
“No . . . I don’t.” The way she spoke was somehow even more foreign than my new Silencian wards. I had no idea what she meant by the hustle and bustle of the streets, everything I had ever imagined of the poor had never come anything close to this. I always thought they just slept on the ground and begged for scraps. But the little hovel around me showed ingenuity and spirit. Purpose I didn’t think you could even have if you were the type of person living on the street.
“You don’t live here, do you? How on earth do you manage with just this?” I asked bewildered.
The girl looked at me with a raised eye. I nearly recognized Cynthia in the look but this girls was more earnest; she didn’t look like she was enjoying at joke at my expense. “Why? You got a problem with all of this?” She asked openly with a bit of lip.
“I would if I lived here.” I quipped back.
She snickered approvingly at my retort. Seemed like she enjoyed my wit. For a second I felt like I was being sized up again. “But no, this is just one of my hideaways. I’ve got a proper place on the east side of the capital if that makes you feel better. Don’t want to offend your rich girl sensibilities do I?”
She had a sharp tongue but there was levity to her jabs. The fact she said ‘one’ of her hideaways clued me into the fact there were more. I had to admit the thought was impressive but also I had to imagine that a place like this didn’t offer much in the way of security against street criminals. Why did she bother to risk spending time in a place so dangerous if she had a proper home?
“Rich girl sensibilities? Where I’m from we call having a home common sense.” I teased her, though behind my joke there was a lack of understanding of what she actually meant.
She smiled while rolling her eyes at me before returning the banter. “Oh yea, and where’s your home then?” She asked with a wide mischievous smirk on her face.
I paused for a second, my instinct was to tell her Revallia Manor, but that wasn’t the case anymore. “That big estate southeast of the city.” There wasn’t any lip in my answer.
The girl didn’t relent with her own tone. “So, you got some massive mansion home and yet . . . you’re still hiding out here with me.” She said egging me on.
The insinuation irked me “I’m not hiding here!” I protested to her instinctively.
“Oh really, what are you doing then? You seemed very quick to leave for someone who seconds before had been listening to every word mummy said.” She pointed out to me.
Her tone was still leading me on, where exactly I wasn’t sure. I knew that she was right with what she just said. I was both obeying Lena's directions and yet also wanting desperately to be anywhere else. Before this girl had approached me it had felt like there were no other options but to obey. Her tone was leading me to something, but I decided not to follow.
After a few seconds of my silence the girl sighed under her breath. “What’s your name?”
“Christina.” I answered.
“Hazel.” She replied back.
Hazel took a seat in one of the cushioned spots on the ground and shifted around to get comfy. After a moment she stared up at me in familiar fashion. “Okay Christina, are you gonna tell me what’s really got you hiding out here with me?” She probed. “I ain’t gonna make you but no shame either way.”
I took the moment to sit down on a cushion opposite to her and I looked over to her at eye level. While there was definitely some degree of indifference in her there was also what seemed to be at least a small bit of interest. Yet at first I wasn’t even sure how to explain everything I had been through in the last few months.
Start anywhere I suppose.
I took a gentle breath in. “Okay well, she asked me to stay put. And the last time today when she thought I didn’t listen to her, not even ten minutes ago, she screamed at me for embarrassing her while she worked. Why would I want to piss her off?” I remarked, trying to defend my actions.
Hazel took a moment before responding. “So all that was right before you two got to the square then? What was she doing that for?” She asked inquisitively.
For a second I wasn’t sure if she was just asking at face value or if she was secretly trying to get it out of me what I had done wrong, similar to the way the Southgards had after I had berated the gardener. “You want to know what was so bad as to make her so angry? I found boxes of things that used to belong to me and my family at their new ‘treasurers office’ and had been searching through it to find something. Something that once again, belongs to me!” I all but yelled at the end. I was getting heated remembering the situation, and that dreadful man who had pulled me away.
Hazel just continued to watch, observing me almost as if she was unconvinced by my anger. “Oh yea, that massive storeroom place. What were you looking for in there that was so important to you to risk her getting angry then?” She probed.
I held back a second unsure. A fry cry from when I had just blurted the answer out at Lena. It felt strange to tell this new girl who I had only just met. Yet at the same time all she did was ask questions, and at no point did she take the opportunity to judge or ridicule me for the answers I provided. She had even dropped her poise of being glib. “My mothers Pendant that I thought might be stored in her music box. It’s meant to be passed down to the youngest daughter in our family and it was supposed to go to me.” I waited a moment to let my words settle. “After all they’ve taken from us I just wanted to get this small part back.”
Hazel leaned forward in her seat to study me more before she responded. “So you wanted to have it so you would feel better. . . What’s a rich girl like you got to feel better about?”
She called me the same thing as she had before while teasing me, but this didn’t feel like teasing. Did she really think that because I was rich that I didn’t have any problems in the entire world? Like we didn’t have the most to lose when our entire kingdom got turned upside down? She had no idea what I was going through.
So I decided to tell her. “Well, my entire family abandoned the kingdom, leaving me behind, then these invaders stole everything that I had left. After trying to adapt I was threatened with prison, and on top of that now I’m being forced to live with a foreign couple who demand I completely change who I am, and want to turn me into something I’m not.” My heart pulsed as the rant drained me in a way I didn’t expect.
It wasn’t until I paused that I realized that this was exactly what she wanted. She hadn’t been invalidating my struggles, she was just baiting them out of me. With that understanding I pushed myself to finish. “I’ve lost my entire life, and nobody could care less.”
After my small outburst I felt somehow both lighter and heavier than I had before. It was good to get it out but now the weight of the situation felt more like a pressure on my mind, almost like acknowledging my distress made it more real.
Hazel continued to study me. Her indifference having slowly faded, now looking at me with a level of both understanding and what I thought I recognized as concern. Maybe she would tell me I was in the right, maybe she would tell me to fight back till the bitter end.
“Make a new one then.”
Hazel’s response startled me. It was nearly the last thing I expected to hear. I had heard Rowen and Lena talk about accepting everything and submitting, and I knew my own stance on bitterly refusing to let go of my old life. But . . . make a new one? What did that mean?
“What?”
“Make a new life. The past is gone, no point in fighting about that.” She said full of personal conviction. “Gotta figure out a way for you to move forward. And if they’re trying to turn you into something you’re not, fuck ‘em.” Hazel adjusted herself in her seat once more. “They can’t make you, can they?”
I was almost inspired by her speech, until the last second. It was only at that moment I realized that she had no idea. Any hope quickly petered out from my soul, and a worse dread pulled over me as I remembered both everything the Southgards seemed to be capable of at this point, and the fact that Lena could likely be looking for me as at this exact moment.
I quickly stood up and brushed off my outfit gathering myself to leave. “Look, it was fine meeting you Hazel. But I really have to go now, it’s getting late.” As I took a moment to study the small sanctuary I realized I still had one last question for Hazel before leaving.
“You said you have a place to live. . . Then why do you build places like this? Why not just go home?”
Hazels body language changed rapidly as she leaned back in her seat and took a deep breath in. Suddenly I felt like it was her turn to be guarded. “Sometimes a home isn’t a home, ya know?”
I took a second to ponder her words. “Right . . .” I said quietly under my breath. I hesitated for a moment before I pulled back the wooden entrance way and ducked back into the alley outside. The suns brightness compared to the sheltered hideaway was drastic change, and I had to blink a few times to get used to the afternoon light. Before making my way back to the store front Hazel came poking out of her hideaway to address me one last time.
“Hey rich girl! If mummy ever becomes too much for you and you need an escape, you know where to find me. You’re alright.” She said approvingly. Her teasing caused the faintest of smiles to creep onto my lips one last time.
“Yea, maybe if I find a way to get over my higher sensibilities.” I joked back. I Briefly considered what Hazel had said before; Sometimes a home isn’t a home. I figured I should have more important things on my mind like what would happen when Lena found me. As I jogged back to the market square I started to come into earshot of someone familiar calling my name in the distance.
************
“Christina! I don’t know how I could have been clearer that you were to stay outside of the store until I got back!” Lena was grasping my shoulders, almost as if she wanted to shake some sense into me. She definitely wasn’t as angry as she had been after pulling me out of the treasurers’ office, but at the same time she was not what anyone would consider happy. “Where the devils did you go?”
I wasn’t sure what to say exactly. Should I come clean and tell her that I found a street rat who baited me into staying in her small but well decorated hovel, all before getting me to open up about just how miserable I was?
“There was no shade here. I moved over to the alley so that I wouldn’t burn.” I lied.
Lena eyed me up and down before glancing up above us to the clear blue skies completely absent of clouds. She sighed to herself and seemed to let go of all the energy she was using to stay upset. “You worried me Christina. I nearly thought you had run away. I’m deeply sorry I left you out in the sun but please next time at the very least don’t go so far that I can’t find you, alright dear?” As she calmed herself, Lena did seem to be genuinely full of worry. I felt the smallest tinge of guilt for lying as I simply nodded silently to her request.
To my surprise Lena accepted the nod and simply pulled me into a strong hug. As startled as I was I could feel Lena’s heart racing and I realized even more the immense fear that Lena had experienced when she thought I had run off. The tinge of guilt in my chest grew a small amount.
After a few moments she pulled back from the hug and looked down at me. “Okay, well its definitely time for us to head home. Come on we’ve left Veric waiting long enough I’d say.” She was full of relief, though I couldn’t be certain if I shared in her relief. After my time with Hazel, the estate seemed just that tad bit lonelier to me. Despite my outlook I nodded again to Lena who took it as an invitation to grab my hand and walk me back the way we came.
************
This time on the ride back Lena had taken up the seat across from me rather than beside me. As the trip dragged on we both found ourselves staring out the window of the carriage, observing the scenery bounce along past us. Clearly the day had been trying for Lena, though I didn’t feel much in the way of sympathy, and I was relieved there was no idle chatter between us the way she had attempted to make on the last leg of our journey.
Thinking now about that conversation, I felt very differently since having the experience of being to the treasurers’ office and seeing exactly what it was they were using to fund their programs. I tried to let it be but as minutes continued to pass in silence and my thoughts continued to stew, I only felt more and more like I couldn’t hold it back.
“It’s nothing more than stealing.” I remarked with dry demeanor. I kept my gaze watching the city streets go by, trying to hide the complete and utter distaste behind my words.
Lena looked at me understandably confused. “I’m sorry?” she responded clearly being caught off guard by my sudden statement and hoping for clarification.
I kept my eyes firmly focused on the scenes passing by outside as I responded to her. “Everything you’re doing here. Everything you spoke to me about before. All the grand plans that you lot have for my kingdom. Its stealing.” I spoke firmly.
I half expected Lena to be offended by my comment. The way she had spoken made me think that she believed in her cause so much that any disagreement would upset her. And while there was some level of confusion, Lena seemed to catch on quickly. After a moment of thinking she simply replied with a gentle challenge. “I would love to hear why you think that Christina. Why is it stealing?”
I turned my gaze over to her as she patiently waited for my answer. There was tension in the air. The way that she looked at me with such expectation, completely unphased by my challenged unnerved me.
“Well, it’s clear to me in order to set up all these plans of yours you’re just stealing from the nobility. You’re taking our property, our money, our possessions and even our titles. All you’re doing is stealing from us to give to beggars who haven’t done a single thing to deserve it.” There was disgust in my voice, but it was justified. I knew I was right.
Lena smiled at my words. She knew something I didn’t. I couldn’t imagine what she could think that would make what I said untrue to her, but I had the feeling I was about to find out.
“Christina, do you know where the nobility of Crevicil went as we took control?” She asked. It was an obvious answer, but a painful one considering my own circumstance.
“Yes, they fled to neighboring kingdoms.” I remembered as I got home from the vacation that separated me from both the rest of my family and the aristocracy. I tried to find out what had happened. There were so few nobles left, and of those that remained there were none that I knew particularly well. All I could do was gleam that everyone had abandoned the kingdom. The royal family, my own family, and every one of our closest friends had sought refuge outside of Crevicil. Nobody could even tell me exactly where they had gone, just that they were gone.
Lena nodded and continued to elaborate on my answer. “That’s correct. They saw the new rule and decided to leave all of their assets, their property and everything else behind simply to flee. As a result of this, all of their wealth and power was now forfeit, as they had not stayed long enough to declare allegiance to Silencia.” She paused to take in my reaction to her words before continuing. “Think of everything left here that once belonged to them as abandoned. They left it behind. Now all we’re doing is collecting everything that was unwanted and using it to help better the lives of everyone else.”
She explained it very simply, but I knew there was more to it than that, I had seen that there was more to it than that. I was the perfect example, and if my anger at the entire situation hadn’t been at the forefront I would have smiled at the opportunity to be the very trump card that proved her wrong.
“You’re lying.” I said plainly, giving myself space to build up as I continued speaking. “I know you’re lying because look at me. I didn’t flee. I stayed here and yet everything was taken from me. The Revallia family had our estate, our fortune and so much more yet all of it was stolen from me as soon as you took power.” As I spoke my clenched fists started to tremble giving an outlet to everything I was feeling. “And even when all I wanted was to go and collect precious family heirlooms, I was screamed at and denied.” I could feel my heart beating in my chest as I continued. “I know you’re lying, and I know you’re stealing from us. . . because you stole everything from me.” I said finishing my sentence. I could feel that if I spoke more I might just drive myself to tears. But I had made my point perfectly.
I’m not exactly sure what reaction I expected from Lena. Frustration, anger, offense, maybe even remorse? But whatever it was she instead looked upon me with some kind of pity. I could tell she was deciding her words very gently before she spoke again.
“Christina, all the wealth and property owned by your family-. . . and we have collected and examined every record available to us so please trust me when I say, all of it belonged to your father and mother. None of it belonged to you.” She paused again to let her words sink in before she continued. “You weren’t actually given any ownership to anything owned by your family. So, by all legal rights . . . you own nothing. And unlike if your family had died to leave you as the inheritor, they didn’t die, they fled. Sadly, that leaves you as just something else that was left behind.”
The way Lena spoke sent me spiraling and confused. What did she mean it all belonged to my parents? That was impossible, we were a family, we were the house Revallia. How could it not belong to me?
I paused for a second to think. All my life I had never actually had to pay for anything, it had always just been eventually charged to my father or my families estate. Even the debts that got me into this entire situation I had thought could be covered by what was left of my family fortune. And although I would often carry coin with me it was always supplied to me by my father. Was it possible that what Lena was saying was true? Did my family really leave me with nothing? Was I truly abandoned?
Lena seemed to be able to sense my turmoil, leaning over to grasp my hand before speaking so softly and gently to me, almost like she was trying to tame a wild fawn. “I am so very sorry that your family left you Christina. I know you must be hurting from that quite a lot, but me and my family are here to give you a second chance. I just hope you’re able to see that.”
After a few seconds I gently pulled my hand away from Lena and went back to staring absently out the window as we rode along. Lena sighed and relaxed back into her seat, clearly unsatisfied with the entire interaction. “We’ll discuss more of this trip with Rowan and Cynthia when we get home.”
Fear tingled down my spine. Up until this moment I believed I had escaped today in a way that would leave me free from repercussions, now I realized just how wrong that was. All I could do now was think about how peaceful it had been today, spending time within my small island of memory in the storage room with my family’s possessions, as well as the brief period spent with Hazel in her well-decorated hideout. I thought to how she had offered me the chance to come back, and wondered if I would get another opportunity to stay in her little sanctuary.
