Chapter 7: Fragments
“Lastly before I’ve concluded my business we’ll need to visit the treasurer’s office.” Lena was speaking to Veric through a sliding panel between the passenger section of the carriage and the driver’s box. I was beginning to think that Veric may be her personal driver. Lena clearly had a good relationship with him as she had been making idle chatter the entire day between trips around the capital, and thus far I had never seen her use another driver, though my exposure was admittedly limited.
Being in the capital arose different emotions from me. On one hand I was truly home. I recognized all of the winding streets and was familiar with the destinations we visited. There was some level of peace that came with that familiarity. But at the same time I felt so disconnected. I remembered the days when I had my own personal driver. Enjoying the freedom to attend theaters, balls, social gatherings of all sorts at my own whim. Today I was all but chained to Lena, and only being brought along for what seemed like some sort of philanthropic field trip. I wondered if this is what it felt like to be a pet taken out for a walk. There was no freedom in this familiarity, only the illusion of it.
“Of course Lena. Seems that’s not too far from here, shouldn’t be a few minutes!” Veric called back to us before shutting the panel. Not a moment later we could hear what sounded like the sharp snap of his reins and the carriage gently started bouncing along.
This was the fourth destination of me and Lena’s journey today. The first stop had been to the housing offices. Lena had made me sit next to her as she and a few others discussed how they would convert different blocks of the capital into new places for the commoners to live. The second meeting consisted entirely of sitting through various proposals of what new businesses would be allowed to open in various districts. From what I gathered they were letting different buildings be used for taverns, shops and other commercial purposes on the lower levels but allowing only large-scale housing on the upper floors. The third and most recent meeting was one that I found particularly disinteresting; they were talking about taxes and acquiring the budgets to properly renovate and fund these projects. The only part I understood was that most of these buildings were previously owned by different higher up families and being used as event venues. Seemed to be that the plan was to seize what was left of their fortunes to fund the efforts to tear all of it down. At one point I even heard about a particular event hall that was being used as a part of this initiative. I could remember how a few parties that I attended were hosted at that location. I had even held my nineteenth birthday there.
Hearing how these outsiders were cutting up our home to turn it into a reflection of theirs, it made me sick.
My thoughts on the matter were interrupted by Lena asking me an awfully pertinent question. “So Christina, what do you think of our plans for the capital?”
I had absentmindedly been staring at the far end of the carriage, but I glanced back to Lena beside me. In a way these were the types of questions I was well suited to answer. While living in high society I was used to listening to different lords or ladies speak about their endeavours and learned how to respond in kind to even the most absurd ones. “It seems you have quite a lot planned.” I said with dry politeness.
My answer seemed to neither offend nor delight Lena, who took the opportunity to elaborate on those plans in a chipper tone. “Oh yes. The divide between the common people of Crevicil and the upper class has been apparent to us for years. Now that we have the power to do something about it we’re taking every opportunity to set up new infrastructure, both social and physical, to ensure that all people are both justly taken care of and given the chance to escape social-economic barriers so that all can be equal.”
I could tell that Lena took pride in her work. Her speech was filled with purpose and meaning. I suspected that the last few days of her absence had likely been because she had been busy with similar things. It told me volumes about her.
The carriage started to slow down as we approached our destination. I was glad for the short trip; it meant the conversation was also brought to an end. Additionally, it gave Lena something different to focus on other than me.
As it was the fourth stop of our little outing I had gotten used to the routine. I was to follow Lena closely and stay quite as she conducted all of her business. Knowing that we were at some treasurers office I had no doubt the last leg of our journey was going to be just as boring as all the others.
Lena briskly departed from the cabin, and once she was solidly on the ground she offered her hand to me to help with my own exit. I had learned from the other errands today that this was one of the few occasions where I could simply ignore her. I seized the opportunity and grasped the side framing of the door to steady my way out of the carriage, occupying both of my own hands so that Lina could not.
“Okay Christina, its very easy to get lost here so please take my hand for now, okay?” I was starting to get used to her phrasing things like it as a question despite the fact that it had been well established that it was not one. The way she obfuscated clear expectations with optional language continued to irritate me. Despite this I took her hand with a silent roll of my eyes.
“Enjoy the sunshine Veric, we’ll be back as soon as we can!” Lena called back as we strode into the building.
I noticed quickly that this was not only not an ordinary office, but it was barely an office at all. Like the initial court that I had met Lena in this was definitely a temporary setup. Though that was where the similarities ended. A more descriptive name for the area would be ‘storehouse’ or possibly ‘vault’. Different items of varying types were piled high taking up nearly every inch of the large room. There were standard boxes and crates everywhere, but also a seemingly endless amount of furniture and decorations mixed in with them. Kitchenware, clocks, beds, rugs, and even the occasional unique figure piece such as a set of display armour dotted around the room. The only way to navigate through everything was the small aisles that snaked between the piled goods. What stood out to me more was that the vast majority of all visible items were of very high quality. These are the same types of items and furnishings I was used to being around all my life.
“What is this all this?” I asked in slight awe. I suddenly understood what Lena had meant when she said it would be easy to get lost.
Lena continued to lead me forward as I took in everything around us. She kept a steady pace weaving between the items with a certain level of familiarity and intention. “These are assets of the state. We’re currently going through the process of cataloguing and evaluating them. Once that’s done we’ll either sell them or redistribute them as they’re needed.”
We continued to wind through the paths until we reached one of the outer walls at the back of the area. There was an entrance way to what I could only assume was an actual office. Standing outside of it there was a man wearing extremely fine tailored grey suit, very similar in style to what I had seen Rowan wear before. His brown hair was speckled streaks of grey and also wore a very polished set of glasses. The man had been looking down studying a clipboard he carried when Lena strode up and warmly greeted him. “Christopher its good to see you again. Its so wonderful to see you here in Crevicil with us!”
The man who apparently went by Christopher looked up and warmly smiled to Lena before opening his arms to embrace her. Lena relinquished my hand to accept the hug fully as the man greeted her back. “Eleanor! I’m glad yours is one of the many faces here to greet me on my first day! How are yourself, Rowan and Cynthia settling in?” He asked heartedly.
Eleanor? Hearing that Lena’s first name was short for Eleanor was news to me. I had never heard anyone call her that till this exact moment, but Lena was clearly not phased by it and simply continued conversing with her old friend. “Yes we’re all doing just wonderfully. We’ve moved into a wonderful estate just southeast of the city. And we also now have Christina here living with us as well.” Lena wrapped and outstretched arm around my back as she presented me to her colleague. “She’s been our ward for nearly a week now, sadly her family abandoned the kingdom as we took control.”
A strange thought crossed my mind for a second. Is that what I was to Lena? A prize to their conquest? Christopher simply chuckled before regarding me with a slight bow and offering me outstretched hand. “Wonderful meeting you Christina. And might I say from one Chris to another, it’s a pleasure.” The formality of the situation and the bow of respect was something I had previously been used to, and I instinctively took the edge of his hand with mine returned his bow with a small curtsy. It took me a moment to realize that I hadn’t received such a gesture since my kingdom fell. “Pleasure is mine of course” I responded.
Lena beamed over at me, clearly extremely proud that I had approached her colleague with the same level of respect he approached me. I truly couldn’t care less about her look of praise, though I was glad that there was no look of shame.
Christopher stood up straight again after giving me a smile. “I’m glad you and Rowan are finally getting what you were searching for.” He said with a chuckle. “Anyway, while we could stand around and engage in pleasantries all day we do have work to do?” He said while gesturing to the door behind them.
“Yes of course you’re quite right!” Lena turned to me and grasped my hand in both of hers. “Okay Christina, sadly I going to say that you can’t accompany me on this meeting. Please stay here, and don’t go wondering off okay? You can do that for me?”
The tiniest shiver went down my spine. The way that she spoke down to me like that elicited something. Something small in the back of my head, something I wasn’t used to feeling.
But just as soon as I felt it, it was gone. Suddenly all I was aware of was that Lena was patiently awaiting an answer to her question. “Yea don’t wander off. Got it.” Having the power that I had been so used to my entire life stripped away had left me speaking differently in most situations the last few days. There was almost something freeing about dropping the commanding nature of my normal speech, not needing to worry about how I present in order to cement my status. I was still very much getting used to it myself, and in this instance in front of Christopher who had just offered me the level of formality I deserved, It made me feel strange to default into that cadence.
“Thank you Christina. I promise I won’t be long.” She gave my hand one last squeeze before she let go to attend her meeting with Christopher in the other room.
Christopher held the door open as Lena walked past him. As she did he looked back at me to give me a quick wink before following, the door closing behind them both.
Quite honestly I’m not sure if I would have preferred to stay with her or to be here. Sitting through endless economical dribble was about as entertaining as staring at a blank wall. Though idling out here while I waited might have actually been closer to doing just that. Before any time had barely passed I started to grow bored and began pacing back and forth. I briefly entertained myself with thoughts of my interaction with Christopher, as one specific part of it stood out to me. What exactly did he mean when he said that Lena and Rowan were getting what they were searching for? Did he somehow mean me? That seemed impossible as it was complete chance that Lena happened to be there as I was being sentenced in that court, wasn’t it?
Seconds turned into minutes and with my train of thought coming to an unpleasant conclusion I quickly found interest in taking note of all the items that had been collected and stored here. The most interesting being the occasional decorative shield or even some ornate chandeliers. I quickly came up with a game trying to find items that most resembled what we owned back home. Finding things that looked most like my old bed, then my fathers’ study. Another few minutes was spent observing couches that looked like what we had set up in our reading room. It wasn’t until I started looking at clocks that something that had previously blended into the background of this entire area caught my eye maybe five meters in the near distance.
That was our clock. I stared at it again studying its every detail. An ornate hand carved mahogany grandfather clock, free swinging brass weights and pendulum. At this angle and distance I could barely make out the delicate golden hands of the clock face. Though none of those details uniquely identified the clock of course. It was the one-of-a-kind deep rosewood Raven, perched atop the mantle of the clock that stood out. The wooden raven made specifically for our family.
I walked towards the clock almost in a trance. As I got closed I stopped and stood next to it for a moment. The raven stood tall and proud like it had in our great hall for decades, but now it wasn’t the complimentary piece honoring our family’s status, it was crammed into this storage space, packed with other items that had been lost and forgotten about. Now just a collection of wood and gears.
Even as I considered the depressing thought I realized something. The items surrounding the clock weren’t just ordinary junk. This entire small area was filled with a collection of items taken from my family home.
I recognised chairs and desk ornaments, lamps and books; they had stolen and catalogued it all. I imagined big brutish men tearing through our home, removing every last piece before stuffing it all into boxes without care and carting it off here. Somehow with just the thought of it I felt violated.
I started to shuffle through each item around me, moving bits aside so I could see more of the items that once comprised my home. The more I dug the more I felt like I needed to keep going. There was so much here. It was impossible for my entire family’s home to be in this area but everything in this area was from my home. Once I had dug through my immediate surroundings I started to pry open the loose crates and boxes. One crate contained all the dishes from our dinning room. Another box contained all of my sisters old writing implements and scrolls.
Memories flooded me as I continued to sort through it all. Each item seemed to paint a fresher picture of my past life. I could almost smell my home behind the musk of the storehouse, hear the voices of my family and the goings on of the servants. I was addicted to the feeling, rebuilding it all in my mind. It almost felt that in this sea of junk I had found an island of peace. It was the first time since the fall of my kingdom that somehow, I truly felt at ease.
As I continued to search for the past within the old boxes around me I found something more significant than all the others. This crate was filled with the items that had been in not only my bedroom, but my parents and sisters as well. Our old sheets, a hand mirror, my mother’s night gowns and a litany of other personal belongings. But all of those things didn’t compare to two items in the corner of the crate sitting adjacent to each other.
The first item was an old wolf stuffed animal that my parents had given to me as a gift when I was a child. The stuffed animal came from a story my parents had told me about how Ravens and Wolves would befriend each other. The Ravens acted as guardians and scouts warning the wolf pack of incoming danger or potential prey and in exchange the wolves would leave part of their food to the ravens and protect their nests from coyotes. They gave me the stuffed toy to remind me I wasn’t alone at night, and we ravens always had our wolves protecting us just as much as we protected them. The wolf, whom I named Argus, was very important to me. I had kept him beside my bed well into my adult years out of comfort and knowing that he had just been thrown into this box like some discarded plaything broke my heart a small amount. But despite how much I cared for Argus, something else kept my attention.
The other item that sat perched against it kept my attention fixed.
It was my mother’s music box.
The music box was another one of my family’s heirlooms. Old but preciously taken care of and maintained. It was small enough to be carried in two hands, made out of beautiful walnut wood, inside felt compartments meant to hold my mother’s jewellery, as well as the hidden mechanism that played a gentle tune that my mother used to help put me to sleep, but even more important to me than the box was the idea of what was often stored inside.
I stood frozen staring at the box and thought back to my mother’s pendant. I would have thought that surely she had brought it with her when she disappeared, but I also couldn’t imagine her leaving one without the other. Even still there wasn’t any possibility that the necklace could still be in the box . . . was there?
I left one hand barely outstretched toward the box, almost as if I was afraid that touching it would make it disappear. After all it was too good to be true wasn’t it? I wanted nothing more than to open the box, hear the gentle tune my mother used to play, and to see my family’s heirloom folded neatly away. I wanted so badly to be able to reclaim it for myself. All I needed to do was reach out . . .
Suddenly the lid of the crate snapped down, narrowly missing my own hands as a middle age bespectacled man interrupted my trance. “Who are you? What are you doing here? This entire area is heavily restricted!” He shouted at me angrily.
The interruption had snapped me back to reality. Suddenly my old memories washed away, the faint smell of my home proved to be an illusion replaced by the odor of the dank temporary storeroom, and my sense of ease now replaced with the shock of this mans harsh voice assaulting my ears.
I scrambled to my feet, jostling against the various items that I had moved all around me. “I’m just here waiting for Mrs. Southgard, we came here together, and she told me to wait out here. . .” I said franticly while attempting to calm myself from the shock and panic of the situation. It even took me a second to realise the absurdity of his statement before I could properly assert myself. “And I’ll have you know these are my family’s things! Who are you to tell me I’m restricted from my own belongings?”
Before he even had the opportunity to answer to my question I heard a familiar voice behind me.
“Christina? What are you doing?” Lena called behind me. A twinge of disappointment was evident in her voice.
I turned around to see Lena walking over to me. Clearly this man’s outburst had drawn her away from her meeting with Christopher. I briefly worried about her instructions not to wander off, but I had barely moved more than a few meters, and was even visible from the door to the meeting room where she had left me. I couldn’t help but stammer my words trying to find the correct footing to speak to her with. “I found this stash of all my family’s things! I only started to go through them to see if I could-”
My words were interrupted by the bespectacled man who continued to show just how little he cared for me. “Mrs. Southgard I sincerely apologize that your ward may be impending your other duties but look at the mess she has made! She has to leave. Now.” He demanded with a great deal of frustration in his voice.
Lena surveyed our surroundings and seemed to take in just how disorganized I had made the area before she nodded solemnly in agreement. “Yes of course, I can return later to finish my work with Christopher. I’ll take her home. My sincerest apologies for her behaviour, and please extend my apologies to Chistopher as well.”
‘My apologies for her behaviour’. My behaviour? I did exactly as she asked! I stayed within eyesight of her and happened to find items that had been stolen from me and my family, before a man nearly took off my fingers and proceeded to yell at me. How was she sorry for my behaviour?
Before I could protest she simply took my wrist in her hand and dragged me out. In this instance it felt much more akin to Cynthia’s style of leading me to what I had been used to with Lena. “Ow, be careful! Let go!” Her speed as I was pulled along nearly caused me to trip on the various items that I had scattered around my feet. Though despite their validity, at this point I didn’t even know if I believed my protests would amount to anything anymore.
Lena continued to drag me through the weaving paths of the storage area until we were once again outside in the midafternoon light. Once we had made it clear of the building she turned on her heels stared me down with a look I had never seen before. “What were you doing back there? What could have possibly compelled you to disobey me so horrendously? This is my work and you have thoroughly embarrassed me!” This was a new tone that I had never heard from Lena before. She was furious. I had seen her worried or maybe even minorly frustrated with me before, but this was the first time I had seen her get angry with me.
“What do you mean ‘disobey’? You said not to wonder off, and I stayed within complete eyesight of where you left me!” I said exasperated.
Lena looked at me shocked and full of disbelief before addressing me again. “You were riffling through half a dozen sealed treasury boxes and you scattered dozens of different items randomly throughout the storehouse floor! Did I really need to tell you that you weren’t to touch anything? What were you even doing with it all!”
Being yelled at like that just snapped something in me and all I could do was yell back. “I was looking for my mothers Pendant!”
The line shouldn’t have meant anything to her as I had never told Lena about the heirloom. There was no logical reason for me to blurt it out, but as my frustration had piled up all I wanted to do was shout the truth. “I was looking for my mother’s pendant. If it was there, it would have been in that music box. I was about to open it before. . .” I trailed off.
At first Lena seemed to be taken aback with annoyance but after an initial recoil from the outburst my words seemed to dawn on her. Her facial features softened as she looked like she was putting together a piece of the puzzle. She then sighed with obvious residual frustration “No, of course you were only trying to. . .” she muttered to herself trailing off at the end. She then let out that another breath and took both my hands in hers, clearly working to redeem her gentle composure against the juxtaposition from moments ago. “I’m sorry for getting angry Christina. I should have known that you’d need more direct instruction and supervision. Next time I’ll make myself more clear.” I couldn’t quite tell if I was imagining her chastising tone or if she was belittling me as a way to vent some kind of frustration regarding the situation. It was also possible this was just how she spoke to me now.
My own annoyance was still running high, but there was something in her voice when she snapped at me that reminded me of when Cynthia had caught me berating the worker in the garden. I didn’t want to push anything, so I left it.
Lena released both my hands and started to idly adjust and straighten different parts of my clothing as she continued. “But you were extremely well behaved for the rest of the day, especially while meeting Christopher. I want to let you know just how much I appreciate that Christina. How about we make one last stop before we go home? Just to the market around the corner. It won’t take long.”
I was still unsure of how to respond to her when she asked nonquestions like that. I simply let out a quick “Fine.” Before allowing Lena to take my hand once again and lead me down the street. Despite the fact it was only midafternoon I prayed that today would be over soon.
